Rough Days

I've been having some rough days here lately. Things have been a little stressful and I've been feeling really low. My husband is in the process of quitting smoking and so with pretty much everything in the house being my responsibility (except for dinner and I love him for cooking) I'm feeling pretty unloved and unappreciated. He pretty much wants nothing to do with Elliott right now. He very rarely wants to hold him, comfort him, change him or do anything really with him. He used to love giving Miranda baths at this age but now when I ask him to bathe Elliott it's like I'm asking the world of him. He does it, but he never seems to enjoy it or even want to do it. He seems very disconnected from Elliott, much more so than he was with Miranda. He's always been that way too it seems. I don't know if it's because Miranda's birth seemed more special since it was so close after losing Quinne or if it's because Elliott's a boy or what. I just don't know. Either way I feel like I'm pretty much raising both of them by myself these days. I almost wish he'd be sent away for work just so I wouldn't have to deal with him at all. It makes me sad to even look at him or touch him right now. I love that he's quitting smoking but I hate who the withdrawals are turning him into. I'm hoping once all is said and done I will get my loving husband back who actually seems like he wants to be a father to his kids.

Also, I'd like to apologize if I sound like I'm whining or complaining. I'm not trying to, I just needed to get this off my chest. Life isn't always pretty and I wanted to show you that we all have dark days. Hopefully there are people out there who can relate with me.