Challenge

I've been facing a huge challenge lately and his name is Elliott. I don't know what switch has flipped in my sons body, but for the past few weeks or so he has been a very cranky baby. I've been doing a lot of reading up on things and it seems like this is a very common occurrence in four month olds. I've been told of the Wonder Weeks by a few moms and there have been talks of a four month sleep regression going on.

It was a shock to me at first. My boy used to sleep great at night. 9:00pm to 6:00am, sometimes longer. Then he started waking up at night to eat. No big deal, I knew he wouldn't sleep through the night forever. He was always a sleep fighter but it started getting worse and worse. He started getting fussier during the day. He was crying a lot more than he normally did. He didn't seem happy or settled anywhere. I keep checking for teeth, no signs of them yet. I'm sure it's something that's going on in his body that I just can't see yet. Wednesday he rolled over back to belly on his own for the first time! It was only once and it took some effort but he did it.

Another major switch that has happened is that he now hates being on his belly! This kid used to love tummy time and he even used to sleep on his stomach. Now he can't stand it. If I put him on his belly during the day he usually fusses and turns himself over. If I put him on his belly at night, forget it! He screams bloody murder! I don't know what to do with him. I can't make him happy no matter what I do and it's starting to really irritate me.

The past couple days and nights were especially hard on everyone. He couldn't sleep, couldn't settle. He screamed for most of the day. Naps were almost non existent. Adam eventually figured out that what he needed was a 'baby straightjacket' because every time he was tired he just couldn't stop his muscles. He couldn't resist chewing his hands and everything. So, he swaddled him up good and tight and it was instant relief. This kid hasn't been swaddled since he was only a few days old and now he wants it? Weird.

Yesterday was so bad I started having some dark thoughts. I wanted to leave. I wanted to quit. I flat out looked at my son and said "I hate you." It was tough. Today, for whatever reason, I was more laid back about everything. My mantra was "This to shall pass..." I just kept repeating it to myself over and over again while I rocked him and nursed him. I held him while he screamed, knowing that no matter what I did he would scream.

Many friends of mine have told me that I need a break. So, I'm going to try and make a break possible. The biggest obstacles to this being: #1 He screams when I leave him. Whether it's only for minutes or hours, I usually can't even go upstairs without him freaking out on me. I hate to have someone deal with that. #2 He very much dislikes the bottle and doesn't eat well from it. #3 I do not have a single drop of breast milk stored anywhere. I make only enough for him to eat. Every time I try to pump I get about an ounce, sometimes two. Not even enough to worth saving. A few people have suggested that I use formula and I really would prefer to avoid that if at all possible. I don't know why, I just can't bring myself to supplement.

So my goal over the next few weeks is to start trying to get some milk stored up. I need it, not only to take a break but also because I have a wedding to go to next month that my mother-in-law will need milk for. If you could, I appreciate any prayers and positive vibes you could send me as well. I hope that this phase ends quickly and that I can get a full night of sleep very soon.

(Edited to add: It may be obvious but I'm adding this anyway. I, obviously, do not hate my son. Far from that. I just thought I should share everything. The good and the bad. I'm passionate and real. I'm only 26 and I still act young and immature sometimes. I have flaws like everyone else. No one is perfect.)